Monday, March 05, 2007

5 Movies that will get you laid...ladies that is.

Although posted under JSugar, this is the first post by new Mogger Phil. If you like what you read, let him know by making a comment at the end of the article. Enjoy!

Hi boys and girls! My name is Phil, I graduated from Florida with a degree in Finance. The truth is I spent most of college worrying about girls, watching TV, movies, and sports. Therefore, this is what I will write about. Raised in the county of Wade but I have very strong feelings about a wide range of subjects. I am usually joking and love quoting movies, so look out. In fact, my personlity is almost completely based on quoting movies at appropriate times, I'm damn good at it too! If you get annoyed by exclamation well then you might not like my writing. And like I tell any girl I date, don't read into what I write too much and everything is a joke to me. Enjoy!

The second my friend gave me the idea for this article, I knew it would be a challenge. His intention was for me to make this for guys, but I think I’ve put a nice little twist on it.

Let me start by saying this—ladies, if you get invited to a guy’s place to watch a movie, you need to know that he has it in his mind that he is getting some action. Therefore, guys: if you get a girl back to your place to watch a cinematic adventure, it doesn’t really matter what you pop in that DVD player (if you are still using a VCR player at this point, you have two options, 1. Kill yourself, ‘cause you’re living in the past, or 2. Go and fucking buy one because no girl will or should respect you if you aren’t willing to go and spend 30-45 dollars on a cheap DVD player). You can put in Aladdin, Fight Club, Anchorman or even Willy Wonka—they’ve all worked for me. It just doesn’t matter, because by the time the credits are done, if you haven’t made your move—well, you’re probably gay, or at least not straight (which is fine, more for the rest of us).

Hence, I don’t think it is necessary for me to make a list for guys to show girls. But just in case you are totally clueless here are a few rules:

1. DO NOT show a movie that you actually have to pay attention to understand! I know that this includes Fight Club, but I was making out before they even got to the opening narration.

2. DO NOT put in a movie that exceeds 90-100 minutes. (that’s an hour and a half to an hour and 40 minutes, just in case someone gets confused)

3. DO NOT put in a sappy or cheesy love story. It is obvious and lame. Girls want to be entertained and intrigued. This might sound “not masculine”, but I love stories with some comedy (Love Actually, Something’s Gotta Give, etc.). I know most guys deep down like them but for Christ’s sake DO NOT slide these in your DVD player.

4. DO put in short comedies that people quote all the time! Girls love them as much as you do, usually. Stick to movies you both have seen and enjoy. Great movies to put in include Anchorman, Old School, and Zoolander. People have quoted them to death (I know I have) which shows that they love them.

5. DO NOT put in a foreign film! I love them and try and see as many as possible, but you’ll have to read subtitles and they only work with girls that are a 100% sure thing. Girls will get bored, and it’s not a good time to show a girl that you are “cultured”. Most foreign films have a deep meaning and can become depressing. The last thing you want to do is take this girl out of her good mood. Lets be honest—she is being nice by spending time in your bed…don’t push your luck buddy! Just in case she is that interested, a few great foreign films are Y Tu Mama Tambien, The Dinner Game, and El otro lado de la cama.

6. Good luck! Remember the ball is always in her court, so don’t push yourself on her and be confident. Some girls are so naïve they just don’t realize that you invited them over to hook up, not watch a movie!

Ok, its time to talk to the ladies--

I decided to make this more about girls than guys because I have spoken to a few female friends recently that have wondered if a guy is interested in them. My first response to these lovely ladies is, “Invite him over for a movie.” And to paraphrase Dane Cook, no one can turn down an invite to a movie. Who says, “No, fuck that and fuck you, movies! They’re fake and wrong and no!”

If you are unsure if a guy is interested and you invite him over to watch a movie, you get a definitive answer—either, “Yes, I’m interested,” or “No, I’m not.” If he says “no” because he has Shabbat dinner or his grandpa just died, he probably isn’t lying, ladies, so give him another shot by saying something like, “well maybe another night.” Then judge from that response and trust your instincts.

Now, let’s say—hypothetically—the answer is “Yes”, because, like I said, nobody can turn down a cinematic adventure. Rules for you ladies are similar to the rules for guys

-Pick a movie you have seen. You never know when a guy can get little anxious because of blood or guts. (Editor’s Note—Despite that, Rambo III is still a great hook up movie) Plus you don’t want your man getting sad or depressed.

-Action or comedy is your best bet. He doesn’t have to pay attention and laughing makes everyone feel good. Plus action gets us excited…wink wink.

-That’s right ladies. That doesn’t mean you should pop in a porno, but a sex scene with a hot actress is just the thing to get him in the mood. (Editor’s note—sometimes porno is the way to go, you know, if you’re cool like that)

-Make popcorn and have some sort of chocolate. I love m&m’s or chocolate covered raisins. Have kettle corn or light butter. We like having options. In this health conscious world you need to have low fat popcorn. Lock it up ladies!

On to the list. I am kind of winging this but these movies all should work. One more word of advice: when a guy invites a girl over to watch a movie, he wants to hook up. When a girl invites a guy to watch a movie, guys aren’t completely sure what your intentions are. So try and make things clear. For instance, watch in your private, cozy room if you live with roommates. You don’t want other girls in the picture distracting your man. Some of us also have that really annoying friend who can’t take a hint to get out. If so, make sure you deal with them ahead of time.

At this point, ladies, you should have a nice private viewing of an action/comedy movie with snacks and a nice comfortable place to snuggle up with him. It’s time to pick a movie that is sure to have him all over you.

1. 40-Year-Old Virgin
-It’s hilarious and it’s all about sex. He’ll think it’s great that you like it as much as he does, and it opens up a lot of good conversations, such as “when did you lose your virginity?”

2. Anchorman
-Another classic that will show him how cool and great your sense of humor is.

3. There’s Something About Mary
-Probably one of Ben Stiller’s best movies and an absolute classic for both male and female viewers. Plus, Cameron Diaz looks freaking amazing!

4. Wedding Crashers
-It’s hilarious for everyone and there are plenty of sexual scenes with Sacha Baron Cohen’s hot wife, Isla Fisher.

5. Borat
-Possibly one of the funniest movies of all time. You are bound to laugh out loud and roll over into his arms.

I know these are all pretty cliché comedies, but remember, you want to hook up, not watch the movie. I’m sure there are more possibilities, and love stories might get him in the mood with a romantic scene, but as soon as you say you want to see one of these movies I’ve picked, the guy will know how cool you are. Good luck and be confident. If he comes over, it’s ‘cause he is in, unless, of course, he is one of those really shy types or not into girls.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you twat... everyone knows that the best movie ever to get laid is meet joe black...