Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Why would you ever let your boss beat you in a sporting match? What a cowardly move. That's the type of move that gets you stuck in middle management your whole life because you never want to "rock the boat". Fuck it. Rock the fucking boat. Is the boat that great? What if you did tip it over? Would that be so bad? You can always get on a new boat. Maybe a better boat where you are captain and you don't have to be a yes man that follows bullshit societal protocol. It starts with tanking a tennis match and then next you won't invest in that start-up company. Before you know it you've lived your whole life playing it safe and you never got a single thing you wanted. On your death bed do you think you're going to happily declare, "I'm real glad I tanked that tennis match against my boss thirty years ago, smart play. Now where is that damned nurse at this wonderful run of the mill nursing home? My diaper needs to be changed. God I fucking loved playing it safe my whole life!" Hell no.
Also, think about what you would think of yourself if you were the boss. If you were the boss would you think highly of an employee who isn't man enough to assert himself in a tennis match? I wouldn't. I would want the guy who fought me to the bitter end and beat the shit out me if he could. If the guy laid down I would know I could walk all over him professionally as well because he is obviously terrified of getting fired and way too concerned with what I think of him. And would you ever trust the guy with any deals? He would just give into every demand the opposing company made. So in conclusion, don't ever fucking tank it on a tennis court or in life.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
There's this hip-hopper from D.C. who's recently been gaining popularity through some mixtapes being trucked around in the internet tubes. He goes by the handle Wale (pronounced like Wall-E but with the other "e" sound, like princes Leia. Don't be an idiot like me and spend a week pronouncing it wale like the giant sea-mammal) His first widely released mixtape, 100 Miles & Running, was pretty fun with samples of Go-Go music, Justice, and production by Mark Ronson. If you know what those things are, congrats you just received 45 hipster points.
His latest mixtape, though, is even better. It's called The Mixtape About Nothing, and it's a concept hip-hop record about Seinfeld! Let me go ahead and repeat that: a concept hip-hop record about Seinfeld! The TV show! At first blush it sounds cheesy. I like the Wu-Tang Clan and I like Seinfeld, but together? (By the way, if anybody knows a girl who likes WTC and Seinfeld I'd like to meet her.) Anyway, the "concept" is pretty loose; Wale uses clips from the show more as a spring board to address other issues so it comes out tasting like peanut butter on chocolate and not A1 sauce on ice cream. Those issues are broad and relatively nuanced (listen to "The Kramer" for a refined look at racial slurs), but delivered artfully playful. Larry David would be proud. Also, its free!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
As part of our on-going election coverage (complete with clever new nickname!), I thought that I’d make some fairly random observations about this election season so far.
Barack “Barry” Obama
-I like ole’ Barry Obama. He seems like he wants to change the system, he really does. And he had to put up with the fucking
The big problem with Obama—it seems like his answer to every problem is “raise taxes.” Healthcare’s fucked? Raise taxes. Gas prices going up? Raise taxes.
-Speaking of which, I sent a little message into Baraka regarding future manned space exploration after more than a few cocktails sometime last week. It was surprisingly well-written for a drunk, asking if the Senator is so fucking pumped about getting more egg-heads into laboratories (like resident scientist and new Friend of the Mog Gunner), the best way to do it would be to get people back to the Moon and onto Mars. Of course, I’ve received plenty of responses from the campaign, but I think they just put me on the same fucking stupid mailing list that Jamie is on, asking me to volunteer at rallies and give them money. HA! At least send me a form letter—shit, I used to write the things for my rep. Let some new pimply-faced intern say why you support the space program (used to be me) or why you don’t. I JUST WANT A FUCKING RESPONSE, OKAY! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!? A LITTLE FUCKING ATTENTION?!? LOVE ME BARACK!!! LOVE ME GODDAMNIT!!!
-Not to get personal, but memo to Michelle Obama: if you wanted to keep the spotlight on you, then you should’ve run for president. See
-Oh, I kid the senator from
-I don’t know if anyone realized this, but did you know that senator McCain is old? I just found this out a few nights ago on (insert name of dumb-ass late night comedy show). They were making jokes about how some of the senator’s old friends are now the very oil that is going up exponentially in price! I mean, wow. How funny! What a gas!
-McCain seems like he has some good ideas domestically, namely cutting my taxes. However, when it comes to foreign policy, the guy has more screws loose than the wings on a Southwest Airlines plane. This is good because the terrorists will also be scared shitless, and not (ostensibly) want to fuck with us if it means that old Fighter Jock Johnny would just throw a dart at a map of their country and push the big-ole’ red button. This is bad because we might end up fighting the whole Middle East (except
-It has been bothering the shit out of me for the longest time, but I finally figured out who McCain reminds me of—Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica. To be quite honest, I’m pretty sure that given his druthers, McCain would rather be Colonel Tigh than President, what with all of the drinkin’ and cussin’ and being in space and hating robots and whatnot. It seems like a lot more fun than having your whole day planned out for you, wasting hours per day on photo ops with assholes that contributed tons of cash to your campaign, and taking three-month vacations on your
-Is it good or bad that I think that the Democrat in this election is the religious wahoo?
-Not to pile on here, but I am a bit worried that the old cuss is gonna kick the bucket before his term is up, making his running mate choice crucial. If it’s a right-wing lunatic, that’s bad. I’m worried that we’re gonna have “Smilin’” Mike “Hy-uck-abee” running the show, putting up a big cross on the White House lawn and turing the President’s weekly radio address into the “1600 Club.”
-Speaking of which, shouldn’t these guys get their running mates wrapped up here soon. Although, with my luck, it’ll be fucking Mike Huckabee and Claire McCaskill. If that’s the case, I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do. This election fucking sucks.
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008