Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Anyways, could this World Series be more boring? We got Philadelphia the city that tries so hard to be the land of the deprived working class looking for its first championship in fifty years or whatever, how boring. "Please guys feel sorry for us the way you used to for Boston!!! PLEASE!!! SHOWER ME WITH PITY!!!! I AM OF PHILADELPHIA!!!!" I'm sorry no one cares generic Philadelphian. Unless you somehow get the baseball equivalent of the "Italian Stallion" (a guy who gets hit by innumerable baseballs yet always manages to get back on his feet), I don't care. You will never make people care, so go back to your construction jobs and talk amongst yourselves, Philadelphia. However, do keep making that show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" I enjoy it.
Then we got Tampa Bay, more like Tampa...don't worry I'm not gonna go there. Just keeping you on your toes. But seriously, no one cares about Tampa Bay. The people that live there didn't even care about the team until the second round of the playoffs. I find that puzzling because Tampa Bay seems like its own self-sustaining community. You never hear anyone say, "I'm going to visit my relatives in Tampa Bay." No one goes in and no one comes out. So why can't the people already in find time to support the local sports team? What do they talk about at work or after work when they are grabbing a drink at the local pub? Is their only small talk about the weather? How boring. The rest of the country has TWO topics for small talk. The weather AND sports. GET WITH THE PROGRAM TAMPA!!!!
Now to the prediction. Tampa Bay will win and Philadelphia will secretly like it so they can continue to complain and whine about how they can't win the World Series anymore. They might even formulate blue-collar conspiracies about it, saying that the corporate fat cats are keeping the World Series from them. I'm not going to pick how many games each team will win because that is the only thing I get wrong and it makes me look bad to the potential investors in the psychic business.
In case you didn't want to read the whole column: TAMPA BAY WINS THE 2008 WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wooooo-weeeeee! It has been a long time since I posted anything. I guess that's what happens when you have a "real job" and have to worry about "going to bed early," and "getting up early," and "not smelling like cheap bourbon is pouring out of your pores." Huh. At least during this hiatus, some of the other contributors are stepping up, which is a refreshing change of pace.
If you haven't noticed, this is an election year. Yeah, you know, that lanky black guy and that mean-looking cylon? They're trying to become the next President.
I figured I was in a writing mood, so I'd check in with some random thoughts on how each campaign is doing right now.
-It's tough to remember a month and a half ago when these two bozos were running neck-and-neck with my main man Barry. If I'm not mistaken, right after the convention, McCain enjoyed a brief lead in the polls. Doesn't it seem like a year ago?
-At least the popular media turned on Sarah Palin like a teenage daughter forced into a quick marriage because of an unplanned pregnancy.
-Think about it: if not for the constant barrage the media put on Palin, McCain is playing a lot closer to even strength in those debates than he did. Granted, the "huge stock market meltdown/financial crisis" might have had something to do with that, but don't underestimate the "do we really want this person in charge if the old codger has a heart attack/catches whatever computer viruses cylons can catch? Can you imagine her going to a meeting with Vlad Putin? "What is this? Are they fucking serious? Couldn't they dig up anyone else? Is she some kind of peace offering? CAN ANYBODY FUCKING TELL ME WHAT SHE IS DOING HERE? ANYONE?"
-I mean, if these two won, you'd have the biggest pair of boobs in the White House since Marilyn Monroe.
-I still cannot get over the fact that McCain doesn't use e-mail or the internet. Somehow, I got on the same Obama e-mail list that Jamie did months ago, but the worst part about it by far is that I guess he had to disclose people on his mailing list to McCain's campaign, so now I get hard copy letters from "John McCain" all the time. Why I haven't made a column out of this yet, I do not know. All I know is, don't you even have somebody in your whole fucking campaign that can use the internet? Or is it all a bunch of 60-70 year old assholes who write letters on typewriters all day, like it's a fucking 60's newsroom?
-Maybe he is incredibly technologically-savvy, but he doesn't want to expose himself as the dirty cylon that he is.
-Tina Fey is uncanny as Palin. The first appearance she had as Palin on SNL, I was pretty bombed and happened to flip on NBC at the exact time she came on, and I thought aloud (in slurred speech) "Holy shit, is that PALIN! She's ALREADY on SNL? I guess the democrats are really FUCKED! I need a drink..."
-McCain's foreign policy seems outdated and shortsighted. Yeah, John, you've mentioned that Henry Kissinger is advising you a billion times. The only problem is, we aren't living in a bi-polar world anymore where you need to be worried about hegemony and how many nukes you have pointed at the other guy. It's like the Yankees bragging about having signed the world's best cricket player. Sure, they're both hitting balls, but that doesn't mean shit in the grand scheme of things.
-The Cold War rhetoric was out of control, too. I don't think people are scared of the Russians anymore, Johnny. They're doing their thing, and we're doing ours. He fails to mention that those Georgian provinces WANTED TO SECEDE TO RUSSIA ANYWAY!!! What a fucking asshole...
-These commercials that McCain is running now are outrageous. This whole William Ayers thing is insane. All we really know from the facts are that 1) they lived in the same subdivision together, and 2) they served on some educational committee together. I know my parents go to a lot of get-togethers in their subdivision where everyone shows up. And there was a person in the subdivision a few years ago who was arrested for a fairly severe federal offense. Now, because my parents happened to be at neighborhood events with these people in the past, does that make them guilty by association? No, of course not. Just like anyone who lives in the same neighborhood as a pedophile, convicted murderer, or what have you shouldn't be said to be associating with pedophiles or convicted murderers.
As for the educational committee, Barry went through a whole list of people on the same committee during the debate, and quite frankly, I don't remember who they were, but they were all well-to-do people with political ties. Now, when you throw a bunch of people together like that, isn't it possible that there would be well-to-do people with political ties who happen to live in the same subdivision? I mean, am I crazy here? Feel free to let me know if I am.
-Other than that, the ads seem to verge on outright lies a lot of the time. Unfortunately for McCain, the same Republican scare tactics that used to work years ago are becoming obsolete. When people can go on the internet to check the facts and make decisions for themselves, and candidates are kept in check by, among other things (gasp!) bloggers, you can't throw around these wildly inaccurate accusations and be expected to be taken seriously by moderates and independents. You look like a fucking idiot. And that goes for McCain, too...
-These rallies that the two morons are holding are getting fucking IN-TENSE. It's totally wrong and the wrong move. What purpose does it serve. Do you think Joe Hick is going to think to himself, "OOooooooooooo I'm boilin' mad that that goddamn Obama is gonna become President! What am I gonna do? I KNOW! I'll go tell Skeeter to vote for McCain, too! That'll show 'em!" Uh, no. What McCain doesn't understand is that, though it's true that there are lunatics on both sides that get out of hand, the ones on his side have guns and aren't afraid to use them. If you prod them enough, one of them is likely to do something really stupid, whereas a Democrat on the fringe will just go on a hunger strike or something equally as weak and useless. If the worst were to happen, Johnny, wouldn't you be upset at all? You would have blood on your hands, sir. Human blood. I know that might not mean anything to a cylon like yourself, but goddamn it man, we're all in this together.
-Meanwhile, Barry and Uncle Joe continue to sail on toward land. It's like they know that they're in a boat race with McCain and Palin. First one from Cuba to the U.S. wins. Obama and Biden are in a nice big yacht with a high-powered motor. McCain and Palin are on a slab of sheet metal with maybe a tire attached. At this point, Barry and Biden know all they have to do is steer straight and not get shitfaced and the race is theirs, right? Is it that easy?
-Looks like old Uncle Joe ended up being a fine V.P. pick. He thoroughly beat Palin in their debate here in St. Louis. He has had a chance to explain some of his outrageous comments. Somehow, he turned the "paying more taxes is patriotic" into "paying your taxes is patriotic." Out of all the guys in the campaign, he seems like the one that you could have a beer with. Well, I guess you could with Palin, too, but you'd be trying to enjoy a game in a sports book and she'd be a cocktail waitress, annoying you with that fucked-up accent of hers. "Oh, did you bet on the PAH-ckers?" "No. I fucking hate the Packers. I bet against those fucks." "Oh, well I LAAAAHVE the PAH-ckers! Thaaaay're sooooo good!" "Fuck you, here's your tip, quit fucking bothering me." "Ohhhhkey-dooookey."
-As opposed to the McCain campaign, I actually like a lot of Obama's ads. Especially the one where he uses a few graphics to illustrate his health plan and the one where he tells parents to help with their kids' educations. Bravo, I say! Good show! Bully! Absolutely bully!
-It's tough to do an Obama impression short of just doing the mannerisms and cadence. "Listen...When Iiiiiiii grew up, we didn't have as much money...as other folks..." and so on. Fred Armisen doers about as well as can be expected on SNL.
-Barry nailed those debates--not too forceful, but you knew he could be in charge. Really, it was quite easy--pick three or four bullet points, get through them fairly easily, and let McCain bury himself by just seeming...well...old and creepy.
-I mean, why shouldn't we talk to our enemies in this day and age? People routinely spit out things like, "oh, well we can't give them legitimacy." Uh, I guarantee if you bother to ask anyone in their country who's in charge, they have a pretty good idea. If we open up negotiations, maybe we can get somewhere with these lunatics so that they don't do something really stupid. Worst case scenario: we tell them to fuck off. I mean, we can't be so fucking stupid nowadays to think that open lines of communication are a bad thing, right? If we would take a few years to reload our armed forces, people wouldn't fuck with us, right? And even if they did, we could hammer them down, I would hope. Just a thought. What do I know about international relations, anyway?
-I mean, not much else to be said here for them. They've been playing a pretty good game of politics here--playing solid defense, not completely sitting on their lead, picking their spots to attack. It's really New Jersey Devils campaigning, folks. Granted, they've been helped by the fact that Barry has been able to actually spit out a coherent economic policy during the crisis, while McCain can only go on about "My friends" and "Joe the Plumber," but they still haven't put the ball on the ground and are trying to run the clock out. So far, so good. We'll see if they can keep it up for 2 more weeks.
W C+/B-. Josh Brolin is hilarious as the current Chief Executive. He has the mannerisms and accent down perfectly. In a weak field for best actors, he could very well deserve the Oscar. That said, the movie on whole drags in parts. Still, it definitely has its highlights and is worth a watch in theaters.
Questions? Comments? Disagree with this extremely partisan post? E-mail the Blogmogger team at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Friday, October 17, 2008
I’m not sure how many of you have read THE GAME by Neil Strauss, but it’s a favorite of several of us here at blogmogger. Last year Mystery, one of the primary characters followed in the Game, created the show the Pickup Artist, and the second season of the just started last week. The premise of this show is simple. Mystery has developed a system with which to pickup women. In the show he teaches a group of geeks and nerds this system to improve their social skills. One contestant is eliminated each week based on their performance in a session. In the session, the contestants are sent to a bar to pick up girls. The escapades are filmed by hidden cameras, and we enjoy. Anyways, I’ve decided to start a weekly column about the show. This first week is my running diary of the events of the show. Here we go:
Just a thought. How can you be that hyped about doing this show considering last season only one guy made out with a chick and maybe three actually got numbers. These have to be people that have read the Game and think they’ll get that treatment versus the VH1 dumbed down version.
Waiting for one of these guys that says he isn’t a virgin to admit to paying a hooker for sex.
Karl is an emo super geek. I didn’t know they existed.
Greg is gonna be hilarious. Voice cracks
Almost had Greg admit the hooker
Two Asians this season but no blacks or Latinos (I think). Come on there have to be black nerds and geeks out there.
Hey Brian, I agree with the ladies. I think your gay too.
Wacky Asian Brian dude has been carrying around a collinder the whole time he has been in the house. Wondering if anybody else is noticing this. Is he waiting for the spaghetti to get done? I don’t know?
Simeon has a button down collared shirt with the wrinkled collar popped. I don’t think he understands that you only pop the collar of coats and polo’s.
I wonder if they even need to give prize money away. I think there would still be guys willing to do the show. On that note I have another grip with the show. I think that would be a much better format if they allowed the guys to stay the whole season. No eliminations so we can see how the progress. You couldn’t have as many guys though either, but I think it be much more interesting that way. It would be more true to THE GAME.
The Clubs are the biggest criticism of this show. Are they real or staged, and if they’re real to the people they're know they are being filmed (don’t they have to). If they do how does it affect their behavior. It seems they don’t know, but I wonder what they say when they see themselves being shallow bitches on TV.
Three second rule. Never followed. It absolutely is never followed. And then to ask someone how much his or her drink cost.
Again three-second rule is ignored. Wow, that pick up line was wasn’t that bad, and for that bitch friend to say, “Why are you talking to him?” What a (insert four letter word that seems to be the worst word you can say).
Come on. Let us actually see Mystery run a full set. This bit and piece shit is gay. You see them pulling these moves he talks about, but just parts. Enough that you can recognize what it is, but not enough to fully convince me of his legend from the Game. That is something I’d really like to see. I don’t give a shit about Matador. He looks like he can pick up a chick with or without Mystery’s system.
Rian is now tabbed for first to be eliminated. You can’t freak out and cry while you/re trying to find a new look for yourself. Come on buddy; that would be a blast. You have this whole store to yourself; there is nobody to give you weird looks while you try on clothes you never would normally (hope I don’t sound to gay). There is zero reason to break down and feel overwhelmed. You are not interacting with girls; I repeat you are not even interacting with girls.
The look change has to be the most important part of this all. I have to totally agree with mystery on this one. You have to look sexually active to be perceived as such. I know, dumb logic, but still. Even if you have the best game in the world, the way some of these guys look would not even allow them to get into a conversation with a girl.
Wow Simeon look change jumped him up in my rankings. His wacky behavior can work with this look. Meanwhile Rian, I am still tipping you to go.
Are vests in now? At least half of the guys have incorporated one into their “new’ look. I definitely need to go get one for myself.
I’m not sure about Karl’s look change. I guess it’s an improvement, but the hair do is terrible. Should have gone for something with more volume (wow I sound alittle gay there don’t I).
Next to come my week 1 power rankings.
The Pickup Artist 2- Power Rankings Episode 1
This is the guy whose opener was, “What kind of drink is that… How much does it cost?” and is afraid that he is too witty for the women. Despite this I think he has a good shot. This appearance is alright, and the makeover made it even better (chest waxing, dental surgery). This guy was also supposedly dumped when he flew to England to visit his girlfriend who was studying abroad. I know you girls like to breakup face to face, but that was a cunt move. Revenge can be one hell of a motivating factor.
First off, he will now be referred to as Small-Dick McGee as it is a named that is recounted in his bio as one he was teased with. Didn’t stand out that much in the first episode which is one of the reasons I have him amongst the contenders. One of the geeks that doesn’t actually look like one (apart from being Asian), and that is always an advantage. Also, he is one of three to not admit to being a virgin. Reaching the prize changes the dynamics of meeting women, it just does. Like Greg, he could have a bit of backlash from being to cocky.
This guy seems just like your ordinary guy who is shy, and not really a nerd per se. If he is able to use the PUA skills, he’ll be a real threat. Plus he got rid of that terrible chin beard (I myself use to rock one, its not flattering and makes your face look smaller).
This guy was in a frat. It had to be the resident Lambda Lambda Lambda (nerd frat) of the school. Also says he has had sex. Maybe with a hooker. Anyways, despite this I still think he has an outside chance. I know your all saying, “there is no way in hell this guy will when; he is a creeper.” But after his makeover I feel he can morph from creepy guy to wacky guy. Everyone has that wacky friend that gets play somehow and that’s what this guy can be if he can learn to control it.
The Wait and See
This guy is a real enigma. First or all, his bio is the only one that doesn’t give an age. Second, this guy is a real estate agent. You have to have people skills to be successful in that field. Third, Greg’s bio also makes him out to be a tad arrogant and a bit of a know it all with the ladies. If so, way the F*&^ are you here. Could this be the arrogant Indian guy from season 1 reincarnated (man I hated that guy)? On the other hand, because he doesn’t look or act like a complete buffoon, and, in the makeover, he ditched the glasses and long hair this guy could have a shot. Arrogance is the main reason he is in this group, but who knows?
Don’t know much else about this guy than he is wacky and zany (yup zany). This guy is motivated for some pun and could eventually pose a threat.
I don’t have much to say about him. Glad be changed his hair, but not a fan of the final result. I don’t see him lasting to long.
Alex William Shelley
Dude you just might in fact be gay. No guy I know would brag about being the biggest hipster in OK. Also, the only kind of people that have that kind of obsession with the 80s are either girls or gay dudes (I am guessing you have a dick). He did heed Mystery’s advice and revamped his image (Like Matador said maybe he thought he was peacocking). That’s the one thing keeping him out of Beyond Help.
With the Twist at the end of the first episode it’s got to be this guy that’s going home. Having a breakdown will getting a makeover, yeah there is no helping you.
To put this list together I was moseying around the VH1 website for a little more info on the guys. Here are a few random notes I had in the process:
1- All the comments about the show I saw were from girls. Well at least the names attached to the posts were feminine. You think these girls are actual normal girls or just girls out of the same mold as the guy contestants. I’d put money on the latter.
2- These bios are cheese city. Definitely written by a female (or gay dude
3- Asian Brian and Matt have the exact same bio entry (matt’s twice). This left me with even less info about Asian Brian
4-A final side note. While I was looking through the PUA 2 website on VH1 I noticed that for Mystery’s Bio they mention nothing at all about Neil Strauss and The Game. I wonder if they are still in contact or the falling out was really that bad. Strauss did paint quite a picture of him.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Rays vs. Red Sox
I dislike the Red Sox. If I saw the Red Sox on the street it would be uncomfortable. My thoughts would be as follows, "Shit! What are the damn Red Sox doing here? I thought they lived in Boston. Did they see me? I hope they didn't...oh shit, they saw me. Shit, they're coming over. Okay relax your face. Don't let them see a facial expression of dislike and discomfort. Say hello in a casual manner....shit, I have a strained uncomfortable smile showing. They can totally tell. Just end the conversation quickly...they won't stop talking. This is really starting to piss me off. SHUT YOUR MOUTH RED SOX!!!! YOU ARE WASTING MY LIFE WITH THIS CONVERSATION!!!!!"
The last paragraph was meant to illustrate that I don't like the Red Sox, so I obvioulsy want The Rays to win the series. But as a sports writer of great integrity I can't just pick the team I want to win, I have to be objective. So let's look at some facts. The Red Sox are a team of weak little girls. Many of the players might be menstrating during the series. If Daisuke or Beckett get the wrong call from their mothers, they will have an emotional breakdown. The Rays are team of tough men. They have no emotions or pity for the weak.
Rays over Red Sox (4-2)
Phillies vs. Dodgers
After predicting all four series winners from the last round I feel very confident in my picks. Some people might try to discredit me by playing the "three of the series had already started when I picked" card. To those people I say get a life, grow up, and WHAT ABOUT THE DAMN TAMPA BAY SERIES!?!?!?! THEY HADN'T PLAYED A SINGLE GAME AND I TOTALLY CALLED IT!!!
Anyways, let's move on to the Phillies/Dodgers series. Lots to consider here. At first look Philadelphia looks like the better team. They have all those good hitters. Then you remember that they always choke. Then you also think that there might be a conspiracy to make sure that Manny plays the Red Sox in the World Series to ensure high ratings. Then you remember that you picked Tampa Bay so that can't be the case. Then you go back to your first thoughts and you think, "Why would I let those stupid reasons effect my pick? Why don't I just not be a puss and pick the team I originally thought would win the series?" And that's how you make your pick.
Phillies defeat Dodgers (4-1)
Friday, October 03, 2008
In the grand Blogmogger tradition of trying to find new columnists that will help to broaden the fanbase, I am pleased to introduce new columnist Big Baby Davis. In addition to studying to be a zookeeper, BBD is a true lover of animals. Consequently, he has decided to dedicate his life to reviewing an industry that exploits animals every chance they get (see Jennifer Aniston) in the form of Hollywood. BBD and G-Gel Unit will bring you reviews of popular motion pictures every few weeks. Here is their (or, more acurately, BBD's) first column [DJGel]:
Well Grant won’t be joining us for this first review. We don’t need him, though. In fact, fuck him. Fucking Roger Ebert has already tried to kill me, so I should be OK on my own. On that note the first movie I’ll review:
Miracle at ST. Anna.
Overall a very solid film. I do feel I may have liked it a little more than the average person. The best parts of the film are the racial jokes. Well, they may not be "jokes," but I sure as hell laughed my ass off at them. In all seriousness, though, the beginning of the movie was probably the weakest part. The movie opens with the oft-viewed trailer. A postal worker goes postal on some Doge [Ed's note: Dogs?].Suddenly, the film flashes back to a battlefield . This is the part I felt was full of cheese. Spike Lee hasn’t quite mastered the battlefield scene yet. Overall, though, I really enjoyed this movie. There is plenty of commentary possible if one is in the "proper mood." I do think it would work better as a mini series though. Something in the vein of a Band of Brothers. All I’m trying to say is that it felt little long, and you could probably develop characters a little more and explore the dramatic tension that exists within a somewhat latently racist America. Anyways I’d give it a B+ with extra credit to the Chocolate Giant. Him and the kid stole the movie. You might just shed a tear at the ending.
Burn after reading
I’m going to have to disagree with DJ a little on this one. If you enjoyed Fargo, this movie will seem like a weaker version that goes after the Bush Administration. The dialogue can be fantastic in parts, and the characters throughout the movie are great. But it can seem a little patchy at times and it ultimately tries too hard. I did enjoy the bumbling higher up characters at the CIA. Bottom line: a lesser Fargo. C+
Questions? Comments? Drunk and tired of editing like DJGel? Email the Blogmogger team at email@example.com.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Dodgers over Cubs (3-1)
I know that the Dodgers already won a game. I know that it may have affected my prediction. Would you rather me just pick the Cubs, a team I hate as a St. Louis Cardinal's fan, just to make it look like I'm not making predictions based on games that were already played? I don't think you would. And quite frankly I think you should get off my back about the whole issue.
I could quote a lot of fancy statistics and mention fancy players on each team to justify my pick, but I'm just going to be honest: The Cubs choke in the playoffs and Manny Ramirez.
Phillies over Brewers (3-2)
Don't even think it. Don't you think I already know that the Phillies won the first game and that I'm now picking another team that won their first game? So what? I really think they are going to win the series. The Brewers are from Milwaukee for God's sake. Milwaukee can't win anything. Milwaukee people think they are cool, but they aren't. "Hey I'm from Milwaukee. You know what that means? I'm a big drinker because we make a lot of Miller beer there. That means I'm a crazy guy. Now let me tell you a bunch of my lame drinking stories to desperately try to gain your approval...my life is empty and meaningless." Sorry, you loose Milwaukee.
Red Sox over Angels (3-0)
Yeah I picked all the teams that have already won. So what? Its just being smart, playing the odds. Luckily I'm not even self-concious about the whole ordeal so I'm just going to stop talking about it. We all know that the Red Sox have to win their first series because everyone hates them. People like the Angels, but they really don't have a lot of substance going for them. Plus, the AL west always chokes. Most importantly, Boston already won a game making their chances of winning the series skyrocket.
White Sox vs. Devil Rays?????
Shit. This is a really tough call. They seem so even right now. Both teams have an equal shot at this thing...man, I better think of some other category other than the win/loss column of the series I'm predicting to pick a team. What else is there? Regular season wins? Tampa Bay 97, Chicago 89.
Devil Rays will win this one easily. I think we all can see that they had eight more wins in the regular season so they are way better than the White Sox. Scientifically speaking they are eight times better.
Devil Rays over White Sox (3-0).